i felt worst almost for the whole day..no particular resons. & i just feel extremely upset. it worsens since today had been raining.
thinking about life seems to be what my brain likes to do most of the time.

i began to thought of the reasons that made me upset.
1. money - i terribly broke. my little amount of pocket money can't survive me at all, even though i don't even spend on anything, just food. Looking around the people surrounding me, i realised why. My friends are all rich. and im just a poor average. they don't have to be aware how they are spending those $. i had to. which is irritating. yea. i know i have to get a JOB. & this is another reason that made me upset. because i don't like to get around people&people at all. I can't seem to find a job anywhr too. i just told my mother about my 'too little' pocket money..& i understand, this is ard the most she could give. my mother has 3 kids. i know shes trying to make $..

2. people- i feel weird around people. im NOT happy at all. and i am NOT myself at all..except when i am with xinen & guoxun. and i don't know why. i felt that humans are not supposed to be like this. somehow i still don't like the characters of people around me. i know this is no good, it does not benefits me at all. maybe i should just learn to accept. sorry,not now. im hating everything&everyone.

i have goals to achieve . and i want them to come true. that means hard work too.
now, the best i could acheive, was to do really well in my studies& my piano.

wish me luck, diary.